In 8th grade I thought it would be cool to try PCP so my friend gave me a dipped cigarette with leak in it and the next thing I remember is laying down in a bathroom stall on the floor, with one eyelid open and I got the cognitive sense that I was dreaming and when I'm in a dream and I know it, i usually like to rape chicks(we all do) so I got up(I also had shit all over the front of my sweater, no fucking idea how that happened, anyways I walked into a random english class with 40 students and the teacher writing something on the chalkboard.
Well since it was a boring english lecture as soon as I opened the door everybody looked at me and I stood there for like 15 seconds until the teacher was like "excuse me, excuse me" and then I got the sense that It MIGHT NOT be a dream so I swung as hard as I could and knocked this frail 68 year old sweet lady english teacher the fuck out.( I swung at her to test if I'd get pain, like you do in a dream), well it didn't hurt because i was on PCP so all the kids started screaming and ran out of the room and the last chick in the line out of the class I latched onto, tackled, then dry humped for like 4 minutes till the gym teacher came in and pulled me off her, she ran out crying.
I eventually got expelled, but no charges were brought up and here comes the FUCKED UP part because they notified the on school cop after they got me under control but he mysteriously went off-duty and disappeared so I just got sent home. I went to a meeting with parents about the expulsion, at the school districts main office or whatever and finally the cop came in and I was expecting him to charge me since the girls parents were already threatening to sue the school, but after he walked in and sat down beside me and the super intendant leaned over to him and whispered "what happened man" and the police officer said "fucking nachos"....... THIS MOTHERFUCKER SHIT HIS NACHO DIARRHEA ALL OVER ME THEN SOME HOW GOT THE TEACHER AND THE KIDS PARENTS NOT TO CHARGE ME OR SUE ME. I still got expelled but this guy was fighting for me at that expulsion hearing like he was Johny Cochran, saying how I was a good kid when he didn't even know me and how being in a juvenile court system would ruin my life. Then my parents and our lawyer talked to them alone while I waited in the hallway and they finally came out smiling saying "the super intendant is with us, they're going to help us - which now seemed really weird but then it didnt.
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